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16 February 2010 @ 01:14 am
 Alrighty. I keep telling myself I'm going to start posting my stories, because lord knows I have enough of them stashed away on my laptop...and in my desk drawers...and in random notebooks...and underneath my bed...
So yes :) I think I need to pick a solid plot and stick to it, and once I have an idea of what I want, I'll start posting. Yay for doing something productive! *ignores pile of English homework*
Like I've stated in my bio, I LOVE J2 fic, LOVE it, have become addicted to it, because usually the people who write it are such terrific writers, but I can't write it :( I would love to, but as soon as I started watching Supernatural, I would never be able to think of Jared and Jensen as Sam and Dean ever again. Which is why I try to "avoid" Wincest..(read: why I read too much of it, heehee). I'm very afraid of not writing the characters correctly and making the J's love seem...well...girly? Is that the right word I'm searching for?
Hehehe. Off to snuggle underneath my blanket and read more about mah boys :D
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Team - Bon Iver
15 February 2010 @ 08:00 pm
Today, my friend Trincy and I had a major fight, and we aren't friends anymore. One of the hurtful things she said to me was how she "put up with your crush on some celebrity." 
Yeah. She's referring to Jared.

The funny thing is, I never knew that it bothered her that I talked about him and Jensen, and Supernatural. I would have instantly stopped talking about them if she had just told me!
She said some other stuff too, and it was hard for me to try and not lose my temper. I still feel very angry and I wish this friendship hadn't come to such a violent end.

Anyways. I'm starting to doubt that I'm a healthy person to be around. I mean, last year, I lost a friend. This year I lost my best friend, Sarah, because of some very stupid things. And now I lost Trincy. It's hard to come to terms that I said hurtful things too, and I think I need to realize that. 

I can turn to my friend Sara (different than Sarah, the girl I mentioned above.) and she will always be there for me. I know that, deep down in my gut. We get along great, and I can't help but think, "I thought Trincy and I were getting along great" and the like.

Is our friendship doomed, too? Will I ever find a friend who doesn't hurt me, and who I would never hurt back? Is there such a thing?

I'm angry, hurt, sad, and confused. I will, however, get over it. Because there's no other way to keep on going.

I wish there was.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Re: Stacks~ Bon Iver
12 February 2010 @ 04:49 pm
Have you ever made up an excuse to avoid a social obligation so you could spend the evening by yourself? Do your friends and/or family understand when you need some quality time alone?

Yes, I have, many, many times. I'm socially inept; I don't like big crowds, I don't like getting dressed up out of my weekend sweatpants just to go to the movies, and I HATE trying to make conversation not be awkward. My usual excuse is that I have to baby-sit my niece, and that's usually a lie. I feel guilty doing it, but I'm a polite person, and I would never tell someone, "No, I can't hang out. Why? Because I don't want to." This has gotten me in a few situations where I wish I had just said no. Take, for example, the one I'm in now: I agreed, after much persuasion, to go to my school's Senior Ball with a few of my friends. Now, I have to go spend a fortune on a dress, shoes, and getting my hair done. Then I have to go to my school (why would I want to be there on the weekend? Why?) and dance to music I don't like.
But I'll be with my friends. That's good enough for me.

I think that they don't realize how much of a loner I am, and I would like to keep it that way, just because I couldn't stand them treating me any different. 
Current Mood: calmcalm
11 February 2010 @ 06:31 pm
And yes, the overuse of exclamation points is necessary.

GODAMMIT! I don't have the CW channel so I didn't get to see My Bloody Valentine (Supernatural episode, not the movie). I buy the episode's the next day on Itunes, and dammit if I go on my Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, and here, and EVERYONE is giving EVERYTHING away about the episode.
Here's what I know:
1) Cas eats a lot and looks damn cute doing it.
2) Dean cries.
3) Sam gets evil. BIG evil. And then people gave even more away by saying he was on a blood rush.
4) Many women have come because of Evil!Sam. (Well, that's a given...;)

Usually, I'm okay with spoilers, because I know the feeling of being so excited YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT ARGHHHH yes I know that feeling!!!
But when you send me fucking PERSONAL messages over social networking sites TELLING  me that my man (yes, I refer to Sam as my man...I can't help it...I know he belongs to Dean, but I can have my fantasy, right?!) drinks blood and turns evil, I get pissed.
Not that I really have anything against Evil!Sam. Or EVILEVILEVIL!Sam....
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
10 February 2010 @ 09:51 pm
Just writing in the subject line was hard enough: I kept deleting what I wrote because I wanted it to sound, well, exciting? Did I succeed? 

Oh well. ^.^

I want to start writing a chapter of "Warrior" every week, which I think I can manage because I'll have the weekends off from school and such....and I think I can easily meet that goal :) However! I am completely willing to post more chapters if I have time, and I don't think anyone is actually reading anything I post (as of now) so I think I can have a little bit more free time, Y/Y/MFY?

Yay :D Bottom's up, then. Here's to trying out something new and maybe even learning something!
LAWL. I wonder what, exactly?
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups
What is the one simple indulgence you could never live without? Would you consider giving it up permanently for any amount of money?

One simple indulgence? My iPod. I live for my music, and I live through it. I can never write without my iPod blaring on my stereo, because music just creates a mood, a feeling for my stories. Angry scene? Get angry music. A scene where your main character dies? Well, play some Sarah McLaughlin! 
I listen to my iPod when I'm trying to fall asleep, I listen to it when I'm running, I listen to it when my family is fighting and I need to get out. Music can help you control your emotions or just let them loose. 
10 February 2010 @ 04:51 pm
Alrighty. *waves*
 I would love to be a beta for someone. I love editing, I love reading, and I love writing. I'm not harsh, but I'll be firm on things you need to fix. I'm an English freak - I've basically taken all my high school English classes. Read: College Prep Comp, Analysis of Lit, Advanced Placement (AP) Composition/ Language, Modern American Lit Honors, Popular Novels, AP Creative Writing, AP English, Early American Lit Honors, Brit Lit, AP Fiction.
English classes are crack for me, I swear!

Anyways! If you think you want me for your beta, hit me up at nizinagirl@yahoo.com ~ I will get back to you!

See you later, gooses.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Who's Going Home With You Tonight - Trapt
08 February 2010 @ 10:18 pm
 So, I'm sorta new to the LJ community, but I really want to start a new story called "Warrior" (it's a work in progress - new titles and banners ARE SO APPRECIATED!!!) And for some reason, I need an incentive to get my lazy ass working...so if any one wants to read about a werewolf assassin type guy named Drake, well, then, I guess comment!
I'm super-duper sorry if it turns out bad...but I'll give it my best!
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: I Can Transform Ya - Chris Brown
06 February 2010 @ 11:37 pm
 The needle presses into her skin, and she feels the flicker of pain it brings, the burn that seeps down to her pores.

She needs this.
Wants this.

It's the only way she can keep surviving, keep trudging on through the goddamned world without gazing out her window and seeing him. Getting inked is something they shared, before, when she could still gaze into his eyes and see the possibilities ahead of them, and while she hated the cliched words, she yearned for them.

She hisses when the pain becomes more intense, but Tommy ignores her and continues on, focused on his work, his art.

She closes her eyes. Sees the dragon on his chest, its long, blue tail curling around his hips, up to his chest, where the head twines around his neck. Oh, how she loved tracing the lines when they lay in bed, when he was still asleep.

It's gone.

She hates angst, doesn't like the drama, or the whirlwind emotions it leaves behind, but this is what she is left with. She glances up when the needle stops cutting into her skin, and Tommy's brown eyes meet hers. She doesn't look down, and neither does he, leaning back in his chair, fingers clenched around the tool. 
"Kenna -"
"No, Tommy."
"Let me say it." he says firmly, and puts down the needle. She watches him as he snaps the rubber gloves off and runs a hand through his spiky black hair. She wants to protest, to tell him to get the fuck back to work, she needs to go to the library before the night falls completely, but her mouth remains shut. 
"He's gone, Kenna."

She winces at the words, tries to hide in the shadows of her mind, but Tommy won't let her. 
"He's dead. You need to let him go." His voice is raspy, harsh with emotions that he keeps controlled. Her eyes blaze with fury - Sam isn't dead. He may be gone, but he is not dead! 

She doesn't realized she had screamed the words out loud until she is crushed in Tommy's arms, and he's gently rocking her to and fro as she starts to sob, letting the tears slip down her face and cascade down to Tommy's black jeans, staining the cloth even darker. Her heart is empty, painfully so, and the ache Sam left when he died burns like the burn of the needle on her skin.
She cannot do this. She cannot continue to survive when she is left with nothing. 

Tommy, as if sensing this weirdly calm thought in her brain, grips her tighter to him, and she rests her head on his shoulder. 

Two fucked up people, Sam's girlfriend and his best friend, holding each other because when Sam left, they had no one else but each other.

The dragon on her hip is half-finished.
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Shade of Blue - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club